the truth

meeting his fear

all four feet were in!  

unlike taceo, breezy has no fear of enclosed spaces.

rather, she is almost the opposite.

The truth is that I only have 33 days till my proclaimed departure date.  The truth is that I've been frightfully nervous that I might not be ready.  Another truth is that I woke up at 4am every day last week  to try and allow myself more time to work with the horses and plan logistics before I went to work.  The truth about that was that waking up at 4am is an unnecessary cruelty for someone who can barely get to bed before 10pm.  But really, at 4:30 in the morning the world is your own.   It is absolute quiet.  It is precious.  Admittedly, I need every spare moment I can afford to plan for this trip and it doesn't come without sacrifice.  Although I know the actual trip will be the only testament of my dedication to this dream, I  am pretty sure that I am getting a small dose right now of the challenges I'll face.  I was so preoccupied with my agenda last week that I forgot to pay attention to the world.  I forgot to find space between the to do list and the basic functions of life.   I forgot to meet strangers.  I forgot to see the sky.    I didn't play any songs on the ukulele.  I didn't notice any earthworms secretly emerging at night to travel above ground and peruse the footpath for romance (that's why they come to the surface).  I didn't laugh at anything absurd.  I over cooked all my vegetables and ate sweet potato chips for lunch.  And by the time the weekend came my only sanctity was to do the recycling.   Which I did.  And through some self full filled logic has earned me the time to write.  And I am hoping, oh I am hoping that I will be done trying to solve my way through each day.  It is exhausting and counter productive.  I'd rather just be a human, being alive, being with her horses.